I’m not anti-attorney. Not even a little bit. Many highly trained and dedicated counselors represent their clients passionately but the truth is that your Attorney is paid to be an expert in the law, not your “life” and what matters to YOU. Almost everyone will need legal representation to get divorced unless you are truly comfortable with the processes of the civil court system, finances, and contracts on your own. I spend a great deal of time coaching clients that no matter what, YOU the client are in charge of all decisions made in your family law situation and work with you to interview and select the best representation for YOUR situation. Just calling an attorney, dropping several grand on a retainer, and then waiting for them to “solve” your case is absolutely, positively the wrong choice. It’s not fair to them either, as they are not mind readers and don’t work in a bubble. They are paid to know the law and process/procedure, not necessarily to apply it to the nuances of your family, children, and the cadences of your life and routine.
Your coach teaches you to think for yourself, to lead your “Team” of divorce professionals and to empower you to manage the cadence of communication and the overall approach and style of your divorce as it pertains to you and your family.
Outside of child support (which is typically governed by a social service agency if disputed between parties…more on that in a separate post) truly everything that is up for grabs in the aftermath of your marriage is on the table for discussion. That means that even though emotions are running hot my clients find a sense of peace with their new reality and learn to manage their energy and time on what matters the most and resolve conflicts as rationally as possible.
Most folks have zero concept about the process of divorce and really, why should you? Most of us will never experience it (hopefully) and your only exposure has been movies, television shows, and horror stories shared by friends and family. Unfortunately, the knee-jerk reaction is to “Lawyer Up” and get ready to fight. That concept and mentality is, in my opinion, probably the #1 reason that divorce can quickly get ugly and expensive.
In short, your attorney works for you and is obligated to follow the path and instructions you provide to him/her. Work with a coach who fully understands the process and empowers you with the knowledge and skills necessary to keep your divorce from just becoming yet another horror story.
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